Yesterday, March 30, marked 29 years since my oldest son, Danny, died. When I thought of that, I wondered, “have I been sad over 30 years?” (We knew he had AIDS 19 months before he died.) I find — I have not, surprisingly.
l still love to hear the name Danny (or Dan, or Daniel) .. even on other people. His music is still my very best favorite. Photos of him still make me pause and take a deep breath and thank God for giving me such an awesome son. (The other two are also Awesome!)
What have I learned in 29 years?
The first few years I was totally absorbed in my grief process and grief work, volunteering with PACT (then called TAP — Tucson AIDS Project) as an advocate for guys with AIDS. I spent ten years on their speaker’s bureau, talking to schools, U of A, hospitals in-service training and many other places, telling the story of all the love that Dan’s friends surrounded him with at the end. My other kids waited on the sideline, graciously, while I worked my way through my pain.
I have learned that time and God’s faithfulness do heal and they help me focus not on his loss, but on all that he was when he was here. I thank God that he was a musician and left me his beautiful music and videos.
He taught me so much, about facing his mortality, accepting with dignity and being open to letting our painful process help others. I learned to open my eyes and see the beauty in others, and to try not to take people for granted. I’ve learned to pray for my other kids faithfully, for their safety, peace and blessings.
This past month I have relied so much on things I learned through Danny as I watched my beautiful daughter, Cherie, lie in a coma and slip away from us. I’ve learned how to get rid of anger without hurting others (usually, please God) and to be transparent. I’ve learned most people are tender and caring if you are honest with them and if they aren’t, it is not up to me to fix them.
I have learned that prayer is the most powerful thing you can do for someone you care about … and it is effective!!!!
God is faithful and life is good, Most of the time I am way more happy than I probably deserve to be.
“Weeping may endure for a season (or years) but joy comes in the morning … “
Lyvnhappilyeverafter 
The reason Djana felt such a connection with Danny was because she possessed some of those same qualities. And, like you, I learned much from her life and death. I have realized that lovingly, our Father has been working to teach and refine my life since childhood. I would wish for you as well as myself, to have been spared the heartaches life has brought us. But the Lord knows we need that to develop a compassionate beautiful soul.
You have grown more and more beautiful through the years, and I know it not only is, but will all be worth it all.
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