Perspective

I have an ongoing love affair with clouds. I think it started when at only 4 or 5 years of age my cousins and I would lie on the grass and look up at the big Phoenix sky and search for shapes in the clouds… A lamb, a tree, a puppy dog. ever changing, leaving room for imagination and to pretend.

Life happens, our focus lowers to the necessary, critical and mundane. We forget to look up at God’s ever-changing art display above.

When my beautiful daughter suddenly died two years ago, I found myself searching the skies in my pain, wondering if she was now free up there, beyond the clouds, looking down on us. I began to take photos with my phone when a group of clouds impressed me. The glorious Tucson sunsets, the monsoon clouds taking my breath at times.

I took photo after photo, scrolling through them on dark days reliving their beauty, finding comfort in God’s handiwork.

Recently a vivid sunset, fiery with pinks and oranges, forced me to stop my car to capture their beauty. After five or six frame-worthy snapshots, for some reason I turned around to see what the sky behind was doing during all this brilliant display.

Oh my goodness, it was grey, dark, gloomy and no sky between their cloudy billows. I could not believe this was the same moment, standing in the same place, and totally opposite the flaming beauty of the western skies.

The same sky, same street corner, same moment in time, but the view totally changed by the location of the sun and where I chose to look; my perspective making all the difference.

So very much like our lives…the position of the Son and where we choose to focus our view.

There may be dark, gloomy cloudy days, but there can be hope and glorious beauty if you look around and change your perspective.

16 year old me to 78 yr old me

Was i really pregnant?

…..Yes, but he married someone else

So, did I have the baby?   

  …..Yes, the soldier returned and married you.

Was the baby OK?   

…..Yes, he was precious and gifted.

Were we happy?

…..Sometimes, he had lots of resentment.

Did we have more babies?   

…..Two more boys and a girl, close together.

Were they ok?   

…..They were awesome, one had birth defect but God fixed it.

Did our marriage last?   

…..For 17 insecure years.

Was he faithful?   

 …..No, he cheated many times.

Did we divorce?   

…..Yes, he married the last one.

Was the divorce traumatic?   

…..All the kids were scarred by the divorce.

Did they ever heal?   

…..Eventually, mostly, but the first one died. 

How did I survive that?   

…..You had support groups and your faith. You got much stronger.

And the siblings?   

…..Boys eventually reconnected with their dad.  Daughter became an addict.

Did I remarry?   

…..25 years, later, while raising your daughters boy & girl, you remarried.

Was that a good thing?   

…..No, he seduced your daughter for drug money.

Did we divorce?   

 …..Oh, yes, quickly.

Did I get over him?   

 …..Very fast, and soon forgave your daughter.

What happened to them?   

…..They married and had two children.

Did she heal from her addictions?   

 …..Only in death.

How did I survive losing two children?   

…..Grief support groups and reaching out to help other hurting people.

Did I find love again?   

     Finally, 20 years later.

Was he a good man?   

…..Oh, yes. He healed you with his kindness.

Did you marry?   

…..You didn’t need to… His kindness was enough.

Was I finally happy?   

…..More than you can imagine.       

Lyvonne Hill  10/31/2021

Grandma Livengood aka Sweet Grammy

This day (December 19) 1956 we got a call that my amazing, maternal grandmother had been killed in a head on collision by a drunk driver.
Burlie Livengood, was 60ish, had 8 children, 25 grandchildren (at that time), many great-grandchildren, and had already bought & wrapped Christmas presents for all of us. She had baked about a dozen pies, made her famous 15 layer cake and was ready to celebrate by having everyone at her house there in Phoenix for Christmas.
It was surreal to be at her house that year with all her preparations and food except Gramma wasn’t there. We were all in shock.
But, her strong Christian ethic and huge love of family has influenced us all through the years and tears.
I thank God for the legacy she left us and the whole beautiful family she birthed. She loved to stand among us and open her arms and say, “if there had been no Me, there would be no Thee!” We each knew we were totally loved by Gramma Livengood or Sweet Grammy as some called her.