I can tell stories of your coldness to me.

The neglect and distance …

Scorn for my love.

Not talking or sharing. . .

No common affection or gifts. . .

Cheating, many times. . .

Lack of participation in our life together.

Yet, you were the love of my life.

Why?

Was it the challenge of making you smile?

Knowing your childhood pain?

Understanding you deeply???

Learning every aspect of who you were?

All the loving behind closed doors?

I just don’t understand.

Maybe never will…

But you were, are, have always been, the love of my life.

Lonely without you…

But Lonely with you, too.

You started down this road with me,

The road of life,

Then somewhere got out of the vehicle and left me in it,

Driverless, but ever moving forward…

Relentlessly on this path,

Alone and clueless as to what would be next.

I grew, learned, adjusted, blossomed, even soared.

But ever in my heart somewhere deep inside

Missing the You I understood and craved, and somehow loved.

Lyvonne Hill,

April 12, 2021

I do believe wisdom, insight and reality have smashed that hopeless love I spoke of to neutral … doing what time and  distance could not do…. Helping me realize that it was misguided loyalty to an imagined idol that really only existed in my mind. I only adored a facade … like loving a projected holographic image of my hopes and desires. But one that never actually existed.