Author Archives: lyvnhappilyeverafter

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About lyvnhappilyeverafter

"Retired" Grandmother and Great-Grandmother, now 're-treaded' working at a Retirement community. Loves Sewing, Machine Embroidery, Calligraphy, Painting and Quilting, and Adores her Grandchildren and their Kids.

Somehow

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I can tell stories of your coldness to me.

The neglect and distance …

Scorn for my love.

Not talking or sharing. . .

No common affection or gifts. . .

Cheating, many times. . .

Lack of participation in our life together.

Yet, you were the love of my life.

Why?

Was it the challenge of making you smile?

Knowing your childhood pain?

Understanding you deeply???

Learning every aspect of who you were?

All the loving behind closed doors?

I just don’t understand.

Maybe never will…

But you were, are, have always been, the love of my life.

Lonely without you…

But Lonely with you, too.

You started down this road with me,

The road of life,

Then somewhere got out of the vehicle and left me in it,

Driverless, but ever moving forward…

Relentlessly on this path,

Alone and clueless as to what would be next.

I grew, learned, adjusted, blossomed, even soared.

But ever in my heart somewhere deep inside

Missing the You I understood and craved,

And somehow loved.

Lyvonne Hill

April 12, 2021

Filigree…

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When the filigree of my life unravels and I am no more . . .

Only save the lovely pieces though they are few . . .

Don’t judge my failings, for they are many.

Be kind in your memories.

Adopt any useful habits I had and ignore the useless ones.

Remember my love for you, for it is endless.

Speak my name if I come to mind.

Watch for dragonflies, hummingbirds, butterflies, shooting stars and pennies, for they are my messengers.

Love never ends, even if life does.

Our relationship truly is forever,

I will always be thankful for You in my life.

Lyvonne Hill

April 14, 2021

YOUR GIFT

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I thought we would grow old together.

I thought you really loved me.

I thought our children were a priority to you.

I thought I could be enough.

I found you were ever searching for the ONE.

I was not enough, nor could ever be.

I was temporary, a detour in your life

I learned our children were a weight about your neck

Our home an unwanted responsibility

My love inadequate.

I found you were not looking  for faithfulness.

But someone to fix your inferiority,

To help you feel successful.

You had no clue what your value could be as a father.

You searched for someone to validate you as I could not.

You found that person and left us physically

To complete the emotional leaving you accomplished long ago.

Thank you for leaving me so I could find myself.

Could see my wonderful children instead of focusing on you.

Thank you for the gift of your absence.

I think of you…

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I think of you when I find a penny,
when I see a butterfly,
when I see a cute piggy,
when I hear certain songs,
when I see a hummingbird,
when I hear an owl,
when I pet my little dog,
when I go to sleep,
when I wake up,
when the phone rings,
when it doesn’t,
when I eat yummy foods,
Or tasteless ones,
when it rains,
when I watch the clouds,
when the sun shines,
when I get dressed for work,
when I get home,
when I am with other people,
when I am alone,
when I see your children,
when I don’t
when I hear a hearty laugh,
when I see someone cry,
when that someone is me.

Lyvonne Hill

March 10, 2021 makes five years since my beautiful, caring, sensitive, funny, loving, creative, only daughter stopped breathing leaving four hurting, confused children, an angry husband, grieving mother and many friends behind to try and get through life without her. Thank you, God, for giving Cherie to us for almost 50 years.

Danny, forever 26, 1987
Cherie, forever 49, 2016

My Birthday

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Thinking how very blessed I am… From an insecure, lonely little girl, only child, to have become mother, grandmother and great grandmother with wonderful friends, cousins and co-workers and loving family. God has been so good to me. Thank you all for the gifts, donations to Autism, delicious meals, good wishes and abundant love I’ve received. I am very blessed!! 💕

Danny’s Birthday

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“Music has been my lover, my playmate and my crying towel.” Buffy St Marie

This day (December 4) in 1960 my beautiful baby boy, Danny was born. Life as I know it would never be the same. Thank God!! He let me learn to be a mother, practicing on him and the two brothers who came along very quickly after him, followed by a baby sister. Danny has been gone from this life over 30 years, but the things he taught me through his life and death still color my world and help me function through life and joy and love and loss. Thank you, God, for giving us Danny.

Grandma Livengood aka Sweet Grammy

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This day (December 19) 1956 we got a call that my amazing, maternal grandmother had been killed in a head on collision by a drunk driver.
Burlie Livengood, was 60ish, had 8 children, 25 grandchildren (at that time), many great-grandchildren, and had already bought & wrapped Christmas presents for all of us. She had baked about a dozen pies, made her famous 15 layer cake and was ready to celebrate by having everyone at her house there in Phoenix for Christmas.
It was surreal to be at her house that year with all her preparations and food except Gramma wasn’t there. We were all in shock.
But, her strong Christian ethic and huge love of family has influenced us all through the years and tears.
I thank God for the legacy she left us and the whole beautiful family she birthed. She loved to stand among us and open her arms and say, “if there had been no Me, there would be no Thee!” We each knew we were totally loved by Gramma Livengood or Sweet Grammy as some called her.